When the xray tech asked to expedite the next appointment and as I watched the ultrasound screen, I decided that this was not going to go so well, after all.
As I waited for the results call, I convinced myself that they hadn't actually seen anything. Between that call and waiting to see the specialist, I prepared for the worst possible news.
Waiting - again - for final test results, I changed my mind entirely and decided that there's absolutely nothing going on here.
Nothing to see here, people. Move along.
Today, as I'm writing this (Tuesday morning), as I'm in the countdown to going back to the specialist's office for those results, what I actually do know for certain is that I've been just plain wrong about this all along. Not about the "yes" or "no", the "do" or "don't", but about attempting to determine what is coming for me.
See, I can plan for my future. And I can speculate, sure. But only God knows what my future holds.
For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
Psalm 139:13-16
Thank You, Lord, for your peace and provision in all seasons. Please grant the same to any who read these words.
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