...
I keep setting my glass down ~ so hard the water spills over ~ and blurting through tears at my husband, "but why?!"
Why was there so much distance between us?
We keep having this same conversation.
I keep reaching the same conclusions.
I keep finding my peace til the heartache rises up again.
Supposedly, time will slow this cycle.
I actually know that it will. ...
I've lost my sister now. My little sister. My only sister.
How did this happen? I turned around for just a second...
But that's not the truth. For many of these last years, there was a battle ~ I can't really say that we were opponents, but it was ~ between us. Neither of us would be the victor in this lifetime, but that's for another time.
The point is that there was a distance between us, and since she's left me, I've sought the source and evidence of it. In all my searching, however, I keep coming to peace.
It's a cycle.
Some days I feel weirdly okay, am a little freaked out even, by my ability to smile.
Other days.
It's as if my cord has unraveled.
Strands are missing.
I won't be complete again in this lifetime.
Selah.
...
I've always believed my momma and Jenny's friends knew her best. But I've realized in these last days that I actually knew her better than I ever realized. And so, in all likelihood, it was a mutual familiarity. I actually know that it was. ...
I haven't written much lately for a number of reasons, but when I first attempted this, I looked over recent posts. Nearly one year ago, I wrote this piece. Finding it in recent days is how I finally know why I do this. I don't even feel the need to explain.
My sister had a gift for photography. And I mean a gift like ... I can't even.
She took the pictures. I wrote the words.
I will keep doing what I do.
Though I am not satisfied with this piece.
Because there are not enough words.
There will never be enough words.
There is peace.
