The Take Away

When I'm dressing for the big events in life, I tend to think as much about where it came from as I do about where I'm going.

Recently, honey and I went away for our annual "Celebrate That Honey Survived That Heart Attack" weekend.

Here's what I took for day one:

• Vintage sweater vest, which speaks to my love of old stuff, nods at my love of embellishment (it has ties!), possibly winks at my politics.
• Overpriced jeans which I purchased in my former days - and continue to wear because 1) former, for real, so I can't replace them, and 2) they remind me to hold what I've got.  In the lessons learned sense.
• Boots that were a gift from a customer whose name I did not even know.

  

One of the things that you might take away from this is that neither one of us knows how to use that stupid camera.

Doesn't matter that we one-upped the model.  Doesn't matter how many "take better pictures" blogs I've read.  We can never seem to get this picture thing just right.

Doesn't matter though.  I assure there are other things that we do get right - at least some of the time.

...


And that brings me to what I hope you'll take away from this:

• Never overlook those who cross your path.  The person whose name you do not know today may be the one who tomorrow blesses you or who needs to be blessed by you.
• Love the people that God places in your life because you do not know when your time with them will end.
• Be grateful for every trial, every blessing, every day. 
• Every day, be grateful. 

Live Free or Die

First of all, I thought this would be titled "Grateful" until I actually sat down to write it. This new title makes total sense to me now and I hope both will make sense to you when I’m done.

Second - and this is important - the stuff that I’m about to lay out here is a reflection on my own experience and is not intended as any sort of finger-pointing. I’ve tried always to be clear and forthcoming about my own inward reflection and would not have thought such a thing necessary to say except that I’ve seen much "out there" lately (reaction wise) to indicate a possible otherwise.

So now, three years ago at about this time, my husband had a heart attack, the kind commonly referred to as the widow-maker. Without making this whole thing about that experience entirely, I’ll share only this part: when the doctor who was performing the heart catheter came out to tell me that what was supposed to be a fifteen minute procedure resulting in the installation of a stint was turning out to be much more serious - "dangerous" was the word he used - and that they’d had to call in an open-heart surgeon just in case my husband’s artery blew out which would require emergency bypass surgery, and he allowed me to see my husband for just a moment before the surgeon arrived and they continued with the procedure...well, it was my husband who prayed for us. I could barely even breathe through my tears. Need I tell you how grateful I am for him?

As soon after his recovery as he was able to climb stairs again, we went away for the weekend to celebrate simply the fact that we still had such opportunity. How grateful we both were that weekend at the beach back in ‘09! How grateful we’ve tried very hard to be on every day since then. It’s a trick sometimes. I’m assuming you know what I mean. So it’s an anniversary now, an annual practice for us to spend a weekend away celebrating the life that God has given us.

This year, we threw in a couples’ massage - at 7:30, Saturday morning! (Really??!!) Later on, we would ask each other questions such as, "Are we being frivolous?" "Do we really deserve anything?" Etc., but that’s not what this is about. At least, not exactly. I’m not sure if it was the shortage of morning coffee, if it was an endorphin thing, or if it was just part of the enlightenment process but I found myself reflecting on some very unexpected things that morning.

I’ll start with massage as that’s as logical as any other place. I can’t remember the last time I had one before this time, but I used to have them regularly, and not the therapeutic kind. The indulgent, stupidly-expensive kind. I also had pedicures - either frequently or slightly less frequently. And manicures too, of course. But these were my indulgences (vanity-wise.) I had regulars too. I saw a hairdresser ev-er-y six weeks for cut, color, highlights, Coiffure (read with french accent, please.) I saw an aesthetician every five weeks because, after all, "you brush your teeth every day but still see the dentist every six months."

When looking back at my former self, I wonder how it is that all that high maintenance didn’t yield a better-looking product. That is where I find my Dorian Gray. You can paint a canvas over and over again, but the oily ugly* will eventually seep through. Thank God I have been freed from such a prison as that.

Nowadays...I "run up the road" when I have twenty minutes to spare and my (new) hairdresser can work me in for a "super-trim." I color my own hair from a box. Occasionally, I pin in highlights (but they’re usually pink.) Way less than frequently, I’ll spend an afternoon giving myself a pedicure - employing my dremel tool when necessary. I make my own facial pastes with things such as aspirin or vinegar. (Pinterest, anyone?)

How much God has changed me. How much more work He will do in me. How grateful I am.

"For when we were in the flesh, the sinful passions which were aroused by the law were at work in our members to bear fruit to death." Romans 7:5

"O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:24-25

"Today I have given you the choice between life and death" Deuteronomy 30:19a

I have chosen to live free in Christ rather than die in my sin. Thank God that He loves me enough to make this possible.

*As I lay there reflecting on my wasteful past, other indulgences came naturally to mind, my various addictions through the years. Alcohol, cigarettes, prescriptions, shopping, to name the doozies. Shopping has been my last and hardest addiction to beat. I say again, addiction manifests itself in all manner of ways and I do not disregard my susceptibility to establishing new addictions / addictive patterns. 

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20, daily.

Or in other words, to live free I must also die to my selfish, indulgent will.  Daily.  Thank God that Jesus made the way for me.

I'm Just Sayin'...

24-Hour Catwalk, Episode 5

I think we're almost famous...


If this makes no sense, then click here or here.

Faith Like A Potato Seed

(December 2010)

What seems like a really long time ago, though it was probably no more than two years now, a very good friend strongly urged Terry, my husband, to watch a movie called Faith Like Potatoes. At the time, he was trudging through some difficulty and she seemed certain that the movie would have a relative message for him. Since then, we have considered it many times but we’ve always settled on something else.


Yesterday - (it’s occurred to me that the "years ago"s and "yesterday"s will always be applicable time frames as God’s words for us are always relevant) after church, we stopped at the movie store. As we started to browse, Terry informed me that we had to choose carefully because he was in a state of prayerful consideration of something and didn’t want to be distracted. Truthfully, this irritated me because I totally Wanted to be distracted and this would limit my choices significantly.


We wandered apart and each of us chose a couple of movies that we’d been wanting to see for some time. As I reached the end of the ‘new releases’ and Terry was catching up to me and we were both ready to go, all of a sudden Faith Like Potatoes came to mind. Truthfully again, I hesitated to even mention it - not because I didn’t want to see it but because it didn’t seem to fit my agenda at that moment. But I did inform Terry that it was THE movie that he needed to see. It would speak to what he was dealing with. I was certain of it.


Now. I am in a Celebrate Recovery 12-Step program. I don’t like it but I’ve continued to "not like it" till I’m about halfway through. I’ve wondered many times, though, if I would reach the point that I could go no further. This last step has been that step for me - the one I can’t take. Repeatedly, I’ve stared at the latest assignment in my workbook but haven’t been able to complete it.


My Sunday routine is to go to church first and then to my CR group. During the message yesterday, my mind kept wandering off to the fact that I was about to have to tell my group that I couldn’t finish. And then I realized how specifically the message was speaking to me. Reverend Ausley was talking about miracles and the fact that NOTHING is impossible with God. He listed some things that people typically deem impossible. I heard, "a healed heart," and "a changed life" among other things.


So I went to group and said different things than I’d thought I would. I explained that I’d thought I’d finally reached that point of dropping out but that the message had just informed me differently. Further in, I stated - without really even meaning to, by the way - what I have sensed to be the great "Impossibilities" in my life. Underline "impossibilities." It was a very, very, very heart-stirring time for me. It was hard and it was why I’d wanted to be distracted later on.


So later on, we watched Faith Like Potatoes. There were many themes that were relevant and personal to me but near the end, Agnus Buchan says, "The condition for a miracle is difficulty. The condition for a Great Miracle is IMPOSSIBILITY."


Nearly two years ago, someone planted a [potato] seed in my mind. Today - TODAY - it brought harvest.



"For with God, all things are possible." Mark 10:27b

The Sum of Several Wrongs

...Jeroboam and the whole assembly of Israel went to speak with Rehoboam. "Your father was a hard master," they said. "Lighten the harsh labor demands and heavy taxes that your father imposed on us. Then we will be your loyal subjects."

Rehoboam replied, "Give me three days to think this over. Then come back for my answer." So the people went away.

Then King Rehoboam discussed the matter with the older men who had counseled his father, Solomon. "What is your advice?" he asked. "How should I answer these people?"

The older counselors replied, "If you are willing to be a servant to these people today and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your loyal subjects."

But Rehoboam rejected the advice of the older men and instead asked the opinion of the young men who had grown up with him and were now his advisers.

1 Kings 12:3-8 (NLT)


It was this passage - out of context* - that made the most striking impression of all my morning's readings and I knew that I would contemplate the implications of Rehoboam’s choice for the rest of the day.

What I didn’t know was how perfectly the rest of the day’s material would be woven into the equation.

First, there was yet another article about the slow and ugly death of the church. Honestly, it was a fairly-portrayed and well-written article - that I just couldn’t finish.  Mainly, I just don’t relate.  My church is thriving and is, apparently, an exception to the rule. Not the only exception, thank God, as my friend (who posted the article) felt the same way about her church. But, especially as I wade further out into the new community, more and more I see the news of it.  The church must, in fact, be in decline. Yes, let’s say, "in decline."

I have my very own set of opinions about it all - apart from the actual, obvious faults and shortcomings of the church - somehow kind of tied into a "that which we manifest is before us" kind of way. But since that sentence didn’t even make sense, it’s obviously gonna take me some time to figure out just how to express those particular ideas. Let’s move on.

As my friend and I discussed this article, one of my final comments was "religion is crap." I’ve said it before.   Probably a lot, in fact, these last few years.  I’ve sought the short path to explanation for this but there is no such thing as short path in my world, apparently.


So maybe...

            Indoctrinated to Christianity as a child
+          experienced some seriously flawed church leadership as a youth
+          introduced to heavy metal music (and The Waitresses) as a teenager
+          discovered all that goes along with teenage rebellion, in fact
+          read some Tom Robbins as a young adult
+          my eventual, resultant dark ages
+          my eventual return, my recovery, my true discovery of God’s grace
=          an earnest desire to simply follow Jesus.  (yes, period.)



One of my friend’s closing comments was that her own church is surviving because they've had the good sense to shift their ministry focus toward the young folk - whereas her denomination, as she put it, is otherwise notorious for catering to the "oldsters."

(+)



* I am reading my Bible by a chronological plan that places the book of Ecclesiastes (in its entirety) between 1 Kings chapters 12 and 13. Coming back to this part of Israel’s history after so much vanity required a few minutes to review and reacquaint myself with the timeline. If you don’t have a Bible handy and would like to read this in context, click: Biblegateway.

Thank God For Answered Prayers

(Lent Devotion, 2010)

“If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you” John 15:7 (NKJ)

Through the years, one of my most peculiar pleasures has been to try to decipher this particular scripture. If I desire a pony, do I get a pony? Or, on a more serious note, how ‘bout a pair of this season’s hottest boots? Certainly Jesus intended for me to have loftier goals than these!

The concept of answered prayer has been beautifully illustrated in recent years by song lyrics and movie scenes. If I pray for patience, does God give me patience or an opportunity to sit it out? If I pray for courage, does God give me courage or an opportunity to do battle? If I pray for my family to be closer, how might He answer?

In the days that followed (my husband) Terry’s heart attack at the beginning of ‘09, a strange and wondrous thing was revealed to us. During the previous year, Terry had worked hard to lose some weight and, in general, had begun to take better care of himself. However, in those last few months before his heart attack, he had been praying that God would “get him back on track” as he’d started slipping back into some of his old habits.

Terry didn’t know that I had also been praying for something. In those same few months, I’d been realizing that I wasn’t always putting Terry ahead of other commitments in my life. Quite unintentionally, I’d allowed the world around us to slip in-between us. And so, I had been praying that God would help me to appreciate my husband more.

The key to John 15:7 is understanding that when Jesus is our dwelling place, what we desire is what He desires. And when you add to that, “If two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven,” (Matthew 18:19 NIV), then you can expect your prayers to be answered in a very big way ... though maybe not quite the way you expected.

Prayer: Gracious God, thank You not just for hearing our prayers, but also for answering them so generously! I pray that each of our hearts has a renewed sense of wonder for the miracle of Your Risen Son, Jesus Christ, through whom we may truly align ourselves with Your will.

Loose Lips Sink Ships

(August 2010)

Written quickly, before I work myself out of the conviction...

Quite a few years back, our church did a message series about the prayer of Jabez. For those who haven’t heard it before, 1 Chronicles 4:10 says, ‘And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, ‘Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!’ So God granted him what he requested.” The “big picture” lesson of the overall series, as I took it, was that we should pray to increase our sphere of influence. But there was one particular part of one particular message that turned out to be quite a life-changer for me.

Rurel, our Senior Pastor, told a story about a lady he’d known years before in some other time and church. He explained that this lady always, always knew your name. The story was relative to the meaning and importance of names, and Rurel was illustrating something that we all know is true - we feel valued when we’re called by name. I thought about his story for days and days after that and came to the very clear conclusion that I wanted to be that kind of lady. I wanted to be able to remember people by name - to illuminate for people, very personally, the value that they have and are in life.

So I prayed that I would become a name-caller and God has granted my request.

We are again in the midst of a series, a good one about “putting off the old self and putting on the new.” And this morning there was a particular part of today’s particular message that I can’t stop thinking about. Jeremy, our new Teaching Pastor, referred to the kind of people “who never say anything negative about other people.” He implied something that must be true for everyone - that we are just enamored with such people ... that we wish we were such people.

So I’ve been thinking ... I could just pray to be that kind of person. But this is where the story takes a twist. I feel some kind of reluctance - some kind of absurd hesitation about asking for such a thing! The real meditation is not about what it would mean to be a non-negative person but about why I would even hesitate to pray to become one.

Here is my conclusion: on count one, I asked God to give me something; on count two, I’m asking Him to take something from me. So I was good with the getting ... but with the giving up, maybe not so much.

Maybe I oughta be shocked by this realization. Maybe, at least, I should feel reluctant to share this information. However, I feel obligated to share this. I’ve heard too many messages, had too many conversations with friends, been corrected too many times about the need for transparency not to share it. The sad truth of the matter is that I am still clinging to my “old self” ways.

Please understand that I would not define myself by habits such as gossip, or foul language, or hateful, negative talk. But I also cannot claim an absence of these things from my life. And the clearest conviction I’m having here is that, when I get a hold of something upsetting, I’m like Gollum with his precious ring, turning it over and over and over - unwilling to let it go, albeit my ultimate demise.

I’m talking about asking God to make me into the kind of person who never says a negative thing about another person. The kind of person who never says a negative thing. The kind of person who does not “let any unwholesome talk come out of [her mouth], but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)

“If someone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?” 1 John 4:20 (NKJ.) If I call one person by name, claiming this as an example of God’s love, but speak harshly about someone else, do I really carry the Truth?

“The mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart.” Matthew 12:34b (NASB) To become a wholly wholesome-speaking person, the change must begin in my heart. I will pray for God to change my heart.

And for my own will to die, as I must pray every morning that I wake up, remembering that “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Galatians 2:20 (NKJ)